Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
