If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
