is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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