Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
