just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
