Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize