I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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