Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she peed on how many people?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
