Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
