She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
