I got chris browned last night
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
