I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
