wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
