The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm bleeding and have questions
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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