someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
