yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
