it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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