i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
