she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
