my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
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