got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
