you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
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airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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