WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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