Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He felt like a one man threesome
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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