woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
