they said they heard you say put it in my butt
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
