So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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