Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize