the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
