If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
