So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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