so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
