Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
