Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Shame is for Republicans.
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