How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
