i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The best revenge is premature balding
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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