What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Send help, water and tortillas.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
