Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.