everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.