What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?