i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
