How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
PANTIES FOUND
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