His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
