Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
