Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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