just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
