apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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