why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
