If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize