its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
