we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
