Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
