I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
