A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
