I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
