Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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