Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
