Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
